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Surprises July 6, 2014

Almost all of the day-trip visitors who come here are surprised for a variety of reasons, most of them unpleasant. Surprise #1: You need to reserve a boat ride on the river in advance. I’m not sure how so many people know about this boat ride and don’t know that you need reservations, but there it is. Surprise #2: The same goes for meals. If there’s a big group already here, it’s easy to feed an extra person or two, but when it’s just us, there’s only just enough food for us. These are the standard surprises. There are also special ones, like the frog in the toilet.

A few days ago a family of four arrived in the middle of lunch and discovered Surprise #2. Before they headed back to town and food, the mother went to use the restroom. When she came back, she announced with mild horror that “there was a huge frog in the toilet!” If she had spoken with amusement or enthusiasm, I would have responded in kind, since it was a first for me too. Frogs in sinks and showers, yes; frogs actually in the toilet, no.

Instead, I said “I’m not surprised,” as blandly as I could. (And I wasn’t, particularly, given the sinks and showers.) Surprise #3 is, broadly speaking, this: “Nature” doesn’t stay politely outside at Palo Verde. In fact, with the exception of a few airtight, climate-controlled spaces, “nature” doesn’t recognize much of a difference between “outside” and “inside” at all. People who don’t accept this have a very uncomfortable time here. And because they tend to be vocal in their discomfort, I tend to want them to leave as quickly as possible.

So I act as if relatively unusual visitors like frogs in toilets or army ants are daily guests whenever horrified people are about. “I’m not surprised” was a much tamer reply than I could have given. Some that occurred to me before I restrained myself:

“That’s why there are two stalls—in case one is occupied.”

“Oh, that’s our pet frog Roberta. Don’t worry, we’ve trained her to jump on the handle when she’s finished.”

or even:

“You think that’s a surprise? One time there was a baby crocodile in there.”

It would be pretty easy to make the last one true, since the graduate student/naturalist is rearing a bunch of hatchlings in the lab. Sure, someone would need to put the crocodile in.   But once there’s been a crocodile in the toilet, saying  there had been a crocodile in the toilet wouldn’t be a lie.  That I find this tempting means I need a few days without surprised visitors.